Looking back at my mind-set, world-view, and purpose in my life when I left at 17 my native village in Kerala, perhaps the least westernized state in India at the time, and my outlook on life and purpose now at 71 living most of my life in my 3 Siddhashrams in Kerala, perhaps the most westernized state in India, I could never have envisaged the way my life unfolded all these years, and what I finally became, and am still becoming. My lifestyle has changed completely. For instance, now I am a vegetarian living a life of spirituality beyond religions accepting no one but God (Supreme Energy) within and without as I know and believe in that entity and my conscience (that “little dictator” as Gandhi calls conscience) as my sole authorities and guides. I do not hold on to any dogma. I have had 4 re-births, denoting four stages, in this very life. I could never have envisaged and predicted my own evolution.

            I respect every human being in the world, and continue to learn from everyone while I do not consider anyone superior or inferior as a human being. Personally I consider myself to be a prime example of programming, deprogramming, and reprogramming. And this on-going dynamic process continues, I am sure, till my conscious last breath. Rigorously analyzing my life I discover and realize how the rest of humanity is in the same process of thesis, anti-thesis, and a higher-ordered new synthesis. I was programmed (influenced, guided, trained, modeled, shaped, and formed) by my parents, older siblings, relatives, religion teachers, priests and nuns, teachings and doctrine of the Catholic Church, teachings of other Christian denominations and other religions, elders in the community, friends, politicians, saints and sages, philosophers, thinkers, writers, various customs and mores in different parts of the world, rites and rituals, countless great men and women, and role models of the world.

            The greatest programming of all, I must say, came from the Jesuits in my formative years. I take this occasion to acknowledge my deep gratitude to the Jesuits as they, played a great role in my critical thinking as well as in my being and becoming who I am in “the glorious liberty of God’s children”. In my late 30’s I started subjecting my entire life to critical thinking and examination. Here I was heavily influenced by Socrates who is reported to have stated that an unexamined life is not worth living. In one particular retreat of solitude, I came to the deep realization that I have only one life to live, and I need to live it the way I know best with all the knowledge and skills I have painstakingly acquired.

            I had to be responsible for my life the Supreme Energy/Source had given me, and I had to chart my own course. While the early formative years are very essential and important, once formed one needs to take charge of one’s own entire life. Nobody really has more of a handle on life than others. Nobody has a master plan on life. Nobody has a monopoly on truth or a patent on best living. My life is going to be my own unique pilgrimage – my own history of salvation. In this courageous and life-giving pilgrimage I know I have disappointed some very close persons as I did not live up to their own expectations. The reality is that by my unique way of being, and gave life to many persons along the way. My search for truth only intensified by my continuous deprogramming and reprogramming.